RESENTMENT

Identifying the Affliction
The man at the pool at Bethesda sat in his affliction for thirty-eight years until the Lord asked him a simple question, “Do you want to be healed”? Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.
“See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.” Every time I read this verse I think wow, thirty-eight years! How can anyone stay in the same condition that long? I could not understand it, until I found myself in the same situation. The Lord revealed to me my affliction of resentment. My resentment was not general, but rather toward a particular person. That resentment would prove to destroy my peace for over two decades. Resentment was like a yoke around my neck It was not until I asked the Lord to search my heart and to reveal the issues there that I was able to identify this malady. It was a shocking revelation, one that leveled me. One that I was ashamed of. When God spoke to me, it became clear and apparent that a change had to take place. The focus I resented but in my own heart. Resentment is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. I could not love through a lens of resentment.


Jump
My affliction become a part of me, so much so, that it becomes my new normal. I was speaking with a co-worker the other day who reminded me of the analogy of the boiling frog. If a frog is placed suddenly into boiling water it will immediately jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it’s body will adjust to the changing temperature of the water. It will not perceive the danger because of its ability to adapt and will be cooked to death.

I will say, that there is profound value in a trial by fire when walking with the Lord. Sometimes you have to stay in the difficult place to learn the lesson. But the “jumping” I’m speaking of is a jumping of consciousness. It is amazing how long you can stay in a situation and how easy it becomes to operate in that condition by adapting to the thing that is literally killing you. The temperature increased slowly, days turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years which turned into decades. I experienced this…I lived it….and then, after two decades, I jumped.


Comfortable is not synonymous with Contentment
For me, comfortable is adapting to the situation you are in with no action to change. Contentment is recognizing that the condition you are in is not where you should be, and then operating in joy while you pray for God to deliver. For me, comfortable became a warm fuzzy blanket and I found myself existing as opposed to living.
Once I became keenly aware of my condition the spiritual work began, God moved me into a changed mind set. When you make the shift from being comfortable to being content with the fact that His grace is sufficient, everything changes.


God’s Grace is Sufficient
God’s grace allowed me to accept that I was a resentful, allowed me to ‘jump’ and gave me the strength to move forward in love. When Christ sets you free from a thing, He really frees you. I’ve always known that in theory, because the Bible told me so, however, knowing it experientially is something different entirely. It changes you and has an eternal impact. God’s grace turned all of the pain associated with resentment into a testimony of victory. I was raised in a church where sacred songs, anthems and hymns were sung on a consistent and regular basis. They are the songs that shaped my worship of God as a young woman and as I’ve grown older, have greatly manifested meaning in my life. I was listening to a preacher - on a podcast, I believe, and he reminded me of this great hymn written by Annie J. Flint. As he recited the words, it spoke so clearly to my spirit. Annie Flint wrote this poem / hymn from a place of great suffering with physical pain. The words have brought me great comfort and provided hope during my journey to wholeness.

​He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

-Annie J. Flint

​When you feel as if you cannot make it another inch, Jump! Let go, and allow an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient God pour into your life with His loving grace. Allow Him to reveal to you the issues of your own heart. No matter the wickedness that resides there, He is faithful and just to forgive us and will lead us to the place where we can forgive ourselves. The maladies of our hearts cause our souls to be restless. We will continue to be restless until we find our rest in HIm. “His love has no limits, HIs grace has no measure, His power no boundary known units men; For out of His infinite riches in Jesus He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again”.