MY JOY
Hurt will inevitably cause you to hurt others. It took me a long time to recognize that I had been hurt for a long time. I am a prime example of a person who operated for years in a constant state of brokenness, just existing while allowing God to sustain me. As unintentional as it was, not having what I so desperately needed caused me to hurt others. I lost sight of what should be the source of my happiness, and instead looked for fulfillment, happiness and joy from others. When relying upon others to supply your happiness, hurt and disappointment are inevitable. I received very little of what I needed to be happy from the people I wanted to receive it from that it catapulted me into a perpetual state of unhappiness. In all honesty, unhappiness is something that I can deal with, but when my joy left I knew I had to make a change.
“Psychology Today” describes happiness as a state of well being that encompasses living a good life - that is with a sense of meaning and deep satisfaction.
I have learned that happiness is external. It is predicated upon situations, other people, events and things. My happiness was dependent upon the alignment of my expectations with what actually occurred in my life. If those two things didn’t align, I was unhappy. That realization was huge for me so let me restate it. If what I wanted or thought should happen did not happen in the manner in which I thought it should then I was unhappy. I was allowing my happiness to be contingent upon external factors that I could not control. Just thinking about it now makes me realize how much precious time I wasted trying to control things I could not control. How exhausting and futile it was.
In stark contrast to happiness, although oftentimes used synonymously, is joy. Joy is not external. Joy is internal. It is not contingent on someone else’s behavior or treatment of you or how things align or don’t align with our expectations. Joy is an intrinsic spiritual quality that comes from Jesus Christ. Joy is the state in which I am determined to live no matter what the circumstance. Even in the midst of unhappiness because of a life event or another person’s actions, I understand now, that it is absolutely possible to still have joy. I was living in a chronic state of unhappiness which I allowed to lead to a snuffing out of my joy.
My chronic unhappiness led to ferocious bouts with depression. I really spiraled downward into a place where I felt devoid of joy. The devil would love for us all to stay here, but God gives us joy! The elders always used to sing, “This joy I have the world didn’t give it, the world can’t take it away”. I thought I understood the words to that song but I did not. Oftentimes we can understand a concept theoretically, but until it is tested in the fire by a profound experience that affects us deeply, we cannot fully understand it and allow it to create lasting change within us.
My joy was restored when I made peace in the acceptance of the things I could not change. Controlling external factors was futile. I’m sure that I may be temporarily unhappy in the future because of one thing or the other, but pray that I never again surrender to a life without joy. I was reminded as I was working through this process that my middle name is Joi. (although spelled with an "i" instead of a 'y" , My father, God rest his soul, would always remind me of why he gave me the middle name of Joi. He said that it was because I brought such joy to their lives, but that it should serve as a reminder that no matter what the circumstance, to not allow anyone to take away my joy, as that is a gift that the Father gives to us so freely. It is amazing what God brings back into your remembrance when you are going through a trial and have lost sight of who you are.
I reclaimed my joy in the stillness - in those moments alone with the one who created me and loves me best. Now that my joy has been restored I am determined to protect it at all cost. If you have lost your joy, be relentless about reclaiming it. It is a process in which you should focus on yourself and not others. It involves a painstaking look at yourself and your heart. I am striving to always stay in the presence of God, for there can be found, the fullness of joy.