SELF CARE
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the amazing mothers and to all of those who sow into the lives of young people by caring, nurturing, guiding, encouraging and lifting them up. As mothers, wives, women we typically put everyone else first and allow ourselves to be sidelined. For me, it is a blessing to take care of others, to watch them grow and flourish, however, we cannot continue to do it at the expense of our own wellness. If we are not mindful, after constantly going and doing for others, we will find ourselves utterly exhausted with no more time or energy to take care of ourselves.
I was raised to be selfless - to always think of and consider others. That somehow translated into always putting others first, and I did this for years at the cost of my own self care. I found that not actively engaging in self care led to depressed state of being. After years of self neglect, I am now being intentional about making time for what matters to me. Identifying what matters to you is very personal. It is safe to say that what matters will be different for different people. Conflict arises when others have an expectation of you to spend time doing the things that matter to them with no regard of what matters to you.
Self care is often thought of as a day at the spa or buying something nice for yourself. I believe it is a much more expansive concept than that. For me, self care is about engaging in activities and relationships that produce joy. The activities and relationships do not have to be free from struggle or conflict, but they must bring value to my life. They must build me up and not tear me down. I must feel a level of freedom as opposed to feeling as if I am in bondage. For me, that is the kind of self care that leads to a happy and fulfilling life.
Taking care of yourself does not mean that we do not still take care of others. I am a mother so my children are on the top of my priority list. Although my children are now adults, I truly wish that I had learned this self care lesson when they were much younger and I was actively raising them. I am praying that someone reading this message learns earlier than later that in order to adequately take care of others you must first take care of yourself. Self care leads to wellness, to the health of your mind, body and spirit. I raised my three girls while in a constant state of depression. I deserved much more than I allowed myself to endure. I did not take care of myself. I allowed myself to exist and not live. As a result, I was relentless in ensuring that they knew who God was and to trust Him even if I somehow fell off track. I look at them now and marvel at how in the midst of my sadness God blessed me to raise beautiful, confident women who love Him and care so deeply about others. The grace of God and His strength in the midst of my weakness will forever be my testimony.
I have done a number of things on my journey to weaving self care into the fabric of my life. First, I identified what is important to me and transitioned them into stated goals. Second, I strive to eliminate those things that hinder me from attaining those goals. Third, I strive to only engage in activities that are essential to the success of attaining my goals. Doing these things will free me to engage in the experiences that bring value, joy and peace to my life. I endeavor to spend the rest of my life spending quality time with family and friends; traveling and taking in the beauty of the world God created; significantly decreasing the number of material items I have in my possession. The tangible practices that I’ve incorporated into my life as part of my self care journey are: journaling my thoughts and experiences, gratitude journaling, daily morning devotion and prayer time, walking, purging at least 3 material things from my possession each week, and taking breaks in my day to simply breathe.
All of my life, I have consistently acquiesced to what others wanted or needed from me, oftentimes at the expense of my own happiness and peace. Sometimes I slip into old habits, but I do my level best not to do so. Taking care of yourself is not synonymous with being selfish. Self care is loving yourself and treating yourself in a manner consistent with that of someone who is important and valued.
It is my prayer that by sharing my testimony you make a commitment to take care of yourself. Don’t wait until you are broken, practicing self care in retrospect. Incorporate a self care process that works for you in your life right now. You deserve joy, peace and wellness all along your journey and I pray this is the gift you give yourself this Mother’s Day.
I love you,
Marsha Joi