PANDEMIC SELF CARE

We are in the midst of a pandemic and an epic fight for justice in this country.  The evil in the world is palpable and overwhelming.  It is difficult enough to maintain balance in our every day lives when things are moving along in a fairly normal fashion, but when all around us seems to be falling, it is that much more important to prioritize self care. 

I have learned in recent years, the importance of establishing routines.  It have found that operating from your feelings is not effective in living a balanced life.  Creating habits, making commitments and then keeping them is the key.  Although I falter from time to time, I’ve found that the intentional integration self care into my daily routines, keeps me moving toward wellness.

I have written extensively about spending time in the presence of God as the highest form of self care.  Devotion time, now more than ever is of utmost value.  I have found it very easy to give way to my anger and frustration during this time.  Although the anger is justified and legitimate, I strive to never let it keep me from loving my neighbor. In every situation and in all things, loving God and loving our neighbor must be the supreme ethic.

I have written about my Self Care routine before, but here are seven things I am doing to stay balanced and cared for specifically while navigating pandemics.  

Spend Time With God - I start each day with prayer and a guided devotion.  I use the Daily Devotion App by Justin Huffman.  Also, You Version is a great App to engage in devotional series.  Feel free to follow me on that App:  Marsha Myers.  I love that it has a social interaction component.  You can even start a group series and walk through your devotions with friends. 

Move Daily - I have talked about this before in previous self care posts, but incorporating the Peloton into my life has had amazing benefits.  The social and community aspects of the Peloton have kept me motivated and encouraged.  Exercise has lowered my anxiety and improved my mood overall.  Find an exercise program or  ritual that works for you and do it regularly.  Walking is free and has amazing benefits.

Eat Healing Foods - It seems as if this movement of Self Care has been focused around indulging in things that make us feel good in the moment. So we indulge in things that are decadent, believing we deserve it because we are in a state of stress. But I have realized that in the end, that those indulgences on a regular basis can be harmful long term.  Self care should be about indulging in those things that are helpful and healing to our bodies and add to our overall sustained wellbeing.

Hydrate - I admittedly still do not drink as much water as I should, but the more water I drink, the better I feel.  When you are feeling sluggish or experience brain fog (as I do) try drinking some water. It helps.

Rest - I have found that sleep is an absolute necessity to rejuvenate, heal and be sustained.  The body was not designed to be up and on 24 hours a day.  Prioritize rest, relaxation and sleep.  Take short breaks during the day to breathe or to delve into moments of prayer and meditation.  I like to turn on a worship song and allow myself to be led into the presence of God with my hands up just thanking God for who He is and recognizing His sovereignty and authority over my life is freeing.

Journal - Write down how you feel.  Don’t hold anything back.  Be honest.  Seek God and deal with the feelings and actions that do not line up with His word.  It is a game changer and has changed my life.

Therapy -  We endure so many traumas in our lives and most of us just keep on pushing trough the panic attacks or the anxiety or depression because that is what we have been conditioned to do.  I am here to tell you, that doing so is unhealthy behavior.  Just as we go to the doctor when we feel something is wrong in our body, we should go to a mental health professional when we feel something is wrong emotionally or suffer a trauma.  If we do not deal with things as they come, the trauma will pile up and eventually become so heavy that we break.  Do not allow yourself to get to that point.  Every battle is fought, won or lost in the mind.

*I realize that the self care suggestion of therapy is  not accessible to everyone.  It should be.  There are financial and social barriers that keep mental health resources and other basic needs out of the reach of those who desperately need them.  If you do not have access to mental health services please do your due diligence and search for any free mental health services that may be available in your area.

This world is evil and a difficult place to navigate. The love of money and power are inextricably linked to the desire to ensure that the systems that were created at the inception of this country remain in tact, carrying out their intended purpose of keeping those in power, IN power.  But even in the midst of the reality of such evil, God has purposed us to be a light in the world.  

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 

- Matthew 5:14-16

There is a constant and intentional effort to dim our light.  Not taking care of ourselves will cause our light to be dimmed. We cannot be a light in a dark world with a dim light.  Let’s put in the work every day to keep the light God has placed in us shining bright for the world to see.  We must be strong to do the work of the kingdom, to feed the hungry and fight for the disenfranchised.  To demand justice for those who are unable to demand it for themselves.  It is our duty and should be our honor to do so, in the name of the Lord.

Be kind to yourself.  Show yourself some grace.  Be vulnerable and transparent with God and allow Him to heal you.  Your time with God is a safe space to unburden yourself of every weight you are carrying.  He invites us to cast all of our cares on Him, so let’s do just that.  Take care of yourself so that you can begin to take care of and minister to others, and live the abundant life God has for you.

SURVIVING RONA

Before all of the stay at home orders, business closures and face masks I was really ill.  I had a flu that I could not shake.  I decided to self quarantine and stayed at home a total of about 22 days.  Things have changed since the time I was ill, but at the time, I was not a candidate for testing because I did not have a fever.  I had several online and phone consultations with my doctor and am so thankful that after about 15 days I was feeling better.  I stayed off additional time as not to expose a room full of essential co-workers and by extension their families. Thankfully, I have since returned to work and feeling just fine.  God is good.  

WHAT IM DOING AT HOME

Like so many others I have used this time to purge.  Once I felt better and returned to work, I started cleaning out closets and storage in my home.  I started the process some months ago, however did not finish.  Being relegated to home has given me the opportunity to complete some much needed home projects.  Complete the projects around the house that you did not have time to do when you were running the streets.  You will feel accomplished.

DAILY ACTIVITIES

Journaling, brain dumping, reading, writing and working on passion projects. So thankful for this time to continue to discover and live my purpose. Gratitude Journaling in particular has kept me sane. Rona has pillaged, plundered and taken away so much from our daily lives. If you focus only on what you’v’e lost you will thrust yourself into a negative mindset. Meditating on and writing down all of the things that you still have and are grateful for will move you back into a positive and grateful mindset. I’m telling you, it’s a game changer.

WHAT I’M READING

[Books]

Stand Up Straight and Sing - a beautifully written autobiography about the incomparable Jessye Norman.  I could read this over and over - in fact I am reading it again during all of this downtime. So much wisdom and so many lessons about finding your voice, speaking truth and representing yourself authentically at all times and in every arena.  I LOVE the opera. Jessye Norman, Leontyne Price are my sheros.

40 Days On The Narrow Road - a wonderful book comprised of 40 daily devotions.  I utilized this book as I led the Modern Day Christian Chick Community on a 40 day Lenten devotion. Head on over to Instagram and follow @moderndaychristianchick where I documented the journey of walking through the 40 days of devotion.  It was an amazing experience.  The devotion will richly bless you. I find myself re-reading many of the devotions to stay on track during this time. I’m trying to stay on the narrow road y’all. Pray for me!

[Online Publications]

The Atlantic - One of my favorite magazines. I have the paid online subscription which has a great interface. The Atlantic has sound advice for navigating Covid and produces articles that address the social, economic and racial disparity impact that Covid has on  diverse groups of people. The publication is a must read for all. Rona or no Rona. Great writing with fresh perspectives all while keeping it real. Love the Atlantic.

WHAT I’M WATCHING

[Movies]

Just Wright - Although I do take issue with whomever dressed Queen Latifah, aka Leslie Wright in this movie, I love that the girl of substance won the man’s heart over the superficial girl. Bump your beauty standards!  And also, Common.

It’s Complicated - I love Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin together in this Rom Com! I am here for every bit of love story that involves folk my age with a complicated marital history.  Also, that house and her store!  (If you’ve seen the movie you will know what I’m talking about).

Brown Sugar - Hip Hop.  Black Love.  That is all.

[Television]

This Is Us - Exceptional TV.  PERIODT!

A Million Little Things - The amazing intricacies of relationship. Love this show!

All of the Chicagos - Med, Fire and PD.  The best!

Grey’s Anatomy - Shonda dealing with it.

Station 19 - Complicated relationships and friendships and how they are navigated wrapped up in a great Fire Fighter narrative.  In love!

Big Little Lies - I grew up in Monterey, CA.  Love seeing home on TV and great writing!

WHAT I’M DOING FOR EXERCISE

SEND HELP! Cody tried to take me out….

Peloton - As I am exercising more consistently I realize how integral exercise is to self care.  I am very fortunate to have acquired a Peloton bike before Rona rolled up.  The Peloton community has been amazing.  Big shout to the women of Black Girl Magic: The Peloton Edition (BGM) a community supporting and celebrating black women on their fitness journey within the larger Peloton community.  I have been blessed and encouraged by these amazing queens who inspire me every day.  They fix and straighten crowns over at BGM and I am  blessed to be a part of the community. Peloton also has so many other workouts that you can take advantage of such as boot camp, yoga, stretching, running, walking and strength training, all of which can be done at home.  I am working at my own pace and feel so much better physically.  Movement is a vital part of thriving and my undisciplined self finally feels like she’s track.

_______________________

Stay connected to your friends and family. Don’t stay silent if you’re struggling and need help. We all need assistance from time to time and there is absolutely NO shame in that. REACH OUT!

This time in history is life altering and I believe it will change the way we operate going forward in a post Covid environment.  It is my prayer that we learn to humble ourselves and pray, seek God’s face, then we will hear from Heaven and He will heal the land.  We will survive Rona…..

ARE YOU TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF?

Until recently, I had not been taking care of myself. For the past year or so I have chosen to do so. I have made it a priority and it has brought about a monumental change in my life for the better. I find joy in taking care of others and have always been taught that it is better to give than to receive.  Giving to others genuinely brings me joy but I realized that because I was not giving to myself I was operating at a deficit and giving to others from a place of brokenness.  It was not sustainable and I found myself at a crossroads struggling to survive.  Thank God I’ve learned to operate in God’s strength and not in my own perceived strength because I am most assuredly weak and was incapable of caring the heavy load that was my life.  

I began to depart from myself after college.  Instead of pursuing the law career I always saw myself launching, I decided to get married. How and when I decided to not actively pursue my goals is something I’m still trying to figure out.  Anyway, I was not ready and the decision was not a good one, for me.  It was good in that from that union God blessed me with four beautiful children (3 living and 1 resting eternally with the Lord).  Listen, I completely love, respect and value the institution of marriage.  The example of a healthy marriage with Christ in the center was modeled before me by my parents.  Little did I know, but soon found out, that while you don’t have to marry the perfect person (because that person does not exist) you must find someone who also values marriage and the covenant made in that union.  But that is a story for another blog post so I’ll leave that there for now.  I will circle back though because it is an integral part of my journey. 

Here’s the thing - Only you can choose to neglect or pay attention to yourself.  It is your responsibility to make yourself a priority.  Unfortunately it took me a long time and enduring some traumatic experiences to realize that.  While I do recognize that there is value in the process of weathering a storm, if I can help anyone avoid the pain I’ve endured by sharing my experiences then I’m here for it.  

I’ve learned that self care can include performing selfless acts.  Selflessness within the context of doing something beautiful for someone else is amazing. Just be careful that in your acts of selflessness you don’t always exclude yourself.   God gives us discernment.  Listen to His voice.  Sometimes you have to choose you.  Taking care of yourself requires intentionality and I’ve learned that taking care of myself and taking care of others is not mutually exclusive.  The whole in the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure while on a plane, put the oxygen mask on yourself first is actually sound advice that should be applied throughout your life.  You cannot help someone else if you don’t survive.

Spending time in the presence of God is the highest form of self care.  You can spend all the time you want taking long baths, getting rid of all of the things that do not spark joy, treating yourself to items you don’t need all in the name of self care, but no one knows you better and more intimately than God.  After all, He created you in His image.  He knows all about you so who better to ask for direction, wisdom and counsel than God Himself.  

Take it from someone who was living in the margins of her own life, give yourself permission to thrive in your story. Christ came not only that we might have life but that we would have it more abundantly.  Make the conscious decision to resist those things and people who derail your efforts of living in peace. Live an abundant life in Christ.  We must all choose the benefits God freely offers us.  Choose Him and live!

Getting Rid Of It

Several months ago I made the decision to declutter my life. This process started with an emotional declutter and then moved to the decluttering of my physical space. All of the stuff I was holding on to was weighing me down. The more stuff I had the more I had to organize and make room for. It was a vicious cycle that I had to break free from. I am at the beginning of my decluttering journey and still have a very long way to go, but I've started and it has made a major impact on my life already.

Whatever exists in your life that is hindering you or weighing you down, make the choice to eliminate it from your life. As always pray before you move.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. - Hebrews 12:1

SELF CARE

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the amazing mothers and to all of those who sow into the lives of young people by caring, nurturing, guiding, encouraging and lifting them up. As mothers, wives, women we typically put everyone else first and allow ourselves to be sidelined. For me, it is a blessing to take care of others, to watch them grow and flourish, however, we cannot continue to do it at the expense of our own wellness. If we are not mindful, after constantly going and doing for others, we will find ourselves utterly exhausted with no more time or energy to take care of ourselves.


I was raised to be selfless - to always think of and consider others. That somehow translated into always putting others first, and I did this for years at the cost of my own self care. I found that not actively engaging in self care led to depressed state of being. After years of self neglect, I am now being intentional about making time for what matters to me. Identifying what matters to you is very personal. It is safe to say that what matters will be different for different people. Conflict arises when others have an expectation of you to spend time doing the things that matter to them with no regard of what matters to you.


Self care is often thought of as a day at the spa or buying something nice for yourself. I believe it is a much more expansive concept than that. For me, self care is about engaging in activities and relationships that produce joy. The activities and relationships do not have to be free from struggle or conflict, but they must bring value to my life. They must build me up and not tear me down. I must feel a level of freedom as opposed to feeling as if I am in bondage. For me, that is the kind of self care that leads to a happy and fulfilling life.


Taking care of yourself does not mean that we do not still take care of others. I am a mother so my children are on the top of my priority list. Although my children are now adults, I truly wish that I had learned this self care lesson when they were much younger and I was actively raising them. I am praying that someone reading this message learns earlier than later that in order to adequately take care of others you must first take care of yourself. Self care leads to wellness, to the health of your mind, body and spirit. I raised my three girls while in a constant state of depression. I deserved much more than I allowed myself to endure. I did not take care of myself. I allowed myself to exist and not live. As a result, I was relentless in ensuring that they knew who God was and to trust Him even if I somehow fell off track. I look at them now and marvel at how in the midst of my sadness God blessed me to raise beautiful, confident women who love Him and care so deeply about others. The grace of God and His strength in the midst of my weakness will forever be my testimony.


I have done a number of things on my journey to weaving self care into the fabric of my life. First, I identified what is important to me and transitioned them into stated goals. Second, I strive to eliminate those things that hinder me from attaining those goals. Third, I strive to only engage in activities that are essential to the success of attaining my goals. Doing these things will free me to engage in the experiences that bring value, joy and peace to my life. I endeavor to spend the rest of my life spending quality time with family and friends; traveling and taking in the beauty of the world God created; significantly decreasing the number of material items I have in my possession. The tangible practices that I’ve incorporated into my life as part of my self care journey are: journaling my thoughts and experiences, gratitude journaling, daily morning devotion and prayer time, walking, purging at least 3 material things from my possession each week, and taking breaks in my day to simply breathe.


All of my life, I have consistently acquiesced to what others wanted or needed from me, oftentimes at the expense of my own happiness and peace. Sometimes I slip into old habits, but I do my level best not to do so. Taking care of yourself is not synonymous with being selfish. Self care is loving yourself and treating yourself in a manner consistent with that of someone who is important and valued.


It is my prayer that by sharing my testimony you make a commitment to take care of yourself. Don’t wait until you are broken, practicing self care in retrospect. Incorporate a self care process that works for you in your life right now. You deserve joy, peace and wellness all along your journey and I pray this is the gift you give yourself this Mother’s Day.


I love you,

Marsha Joi